This Is Not Wasted Time

A reflection on returning to Me, MySelf & I

Yesterday, I almost talked myself out of listening.

I had signed up for an online astrology meeting, and it was already on my calendar. Part of me showed up because the stepping stone had been placed there. Another part of me kept asking, “Why are we doing this?”

There were other things I could have been doing. Certifications to be completed. Courses unfinished. Projects asking for attention. The familiar voice came in quickly:

You are spreading yourself too thin.

You are not focused.

You are wasting time.

But something gentler and stronger kept me listening.

It did not argue.

It did not defend.

It simply stayed.

And I am grateful it did.

Because what I received was not just astrological information. As I reflected on it, it became a mirror.

The invitation that found me was this:

Where do I feel emotionally safe enough to be myself?

And immediately, another question arose beneath it:

Do I even know what being myself means?

That question stopped me.

For much of my life, “being myself” has not been simple. So many of us are taught, directly or indirectly, that being ourselves means becoming who others need us to be.

The helpful one.

The responsible one.

The strong one.

The good one.

The pleasing one.

The one who can feel the room before feeling herself.

For a long time, I knew how to be for others. I knew how to listen, hold space, sense what was needed, respond, adjust, give, support, and carry.

But being with me?

That has been a different chapter.

Being in my body.

Being for myself.

Knowing my own Human beneath the roles, the stories, the usefulness, the patterns, and the old agreements.

That is the chapter I am in now.

I am learning how to be with Me, for me.

Not the idea of me.

Not the story of me.

Not the version of me that has been shaped by expectation, survival, responsibility, or belonging.

Me.

MySelf.

My Human.

The one who has carried so much and is now asking to be tended to with the same presence I offer others.

This is the part I do not want to dismiss as “not working.”

Because yesterday, I was not “working” in the obvious sense. I was not checking off a certification module. I was not studying the Bio-Well system. I was not touching my advanced MLD course. I was not doing one of the many practical things that could easily be named as productive.

But I was doing the work.

The quieter work.

The deeper work.

The work beneath the work.

I was listening to the voices inside me. I was noticing the part that doubted. I was honoring the part that stayed. I was letting a question touch the places in me that still do not know how to feel safe being fully here.

That is not wasted time.

That is sacred space.

So often, the parts of us that fear wasting time are trying to protect us. They want us to survive, succeed, finish, prove, stay on track, avoid failure, avoid regret, avoid being seen as scattered or irresponsible.

I understand those parts.

I do not want to exile them. I do not want to shame them. I do not want to pretend they are not there.

But I also want them to know this:

This work produces.

It may not always produce immediately. It may not always produce in the way the mind expects. But it produces from a deeper root.

It produces clarity.

It produces language.

It produces compassion.

It produces embodiment.

It produces blog posts, meditations, offerings, rituals, conversations, and stepping stones that come from lived truth rather than performance.

It produces the kind of work that carries a frequency because it was not manufactured. It was grown.

People pay me to be with them. To hold space. To listen beneath the surface. To help them return to themselves.

And I am learning to give myself what I give others.

All of me.

Not the leftover attention.

Not the rushed attention.

Not the attention that is only allowed after everything else is done.

The real attention.

The kind that says:

I am here.

I am listening.

You do not have to perform to deserve my presence.

You do not have to produce something for this moment to matter.

You do not have to abandon yourself in order to prove your love.

This is how I am learning to Human.

Not perfectly.

Not all at once.

Not without inner chatter.

But honestly.

The calendar stepping stones help me. They are small anchors placed by a wiser part of me for the days when I forget, doubt, avoid, or get pulled into the noise. They help me keep taking the steps forward, even when the mind is busy questioning the path.

Sometimes the stepping stone is a meeting I almost skip.

Sometimes it is a note I leave for morning-me.

Sometimes it is a conversation that helps me hear myself more clearly.

Sometimes it is the simple act of staying.

Yesterday, I stayed.

And from that staying came a post.

From that post came images.

From those images came a deeper recognition.

From that recognition came this reflection.

This is not wasted time.

This is how authentic creation begins.

Not from forcing.

Not from proving.

Not from rushing to keep up with all the possible paths.

But from presence.

From returning.

From listening.

From letting the body speak.

From letting the Human be held.

So today, I offer these questions to myself, and perhaps to you too:

• What part of me is afraid that slowing down means wasting time?

• Where have I mistaken self-abandonment for love?

• What thought has been shaping my body’s sense of safety?

• What does my body want my mind to finally understand?

And maybe most tenderly:

• Who am I when I am no longer performing who I learned to be?

I do not have a complete answer yet.

But I am listening.

And for now, that is enough.

This is not wasted time.

This is sacred space.

This is Me, MySelf & I coming home.

This is How I Human.

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If this reflection speaks to something in you, you are welcome to explore more through Introspective Odyssey, where we practice returning to the body, listening inward, and holding sacred space for the Human within.

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